We've all been there at some time in our lives or even multiple times in a day.
That feeling of being alone.
It isn't anything complicated, really. It's feeling as if people around you aren't able to provide you with as much moral support as before, simply because they don't have the time to. It's feeling left out of something that others are experiencing. It's feeling afraid of getting left behind.
I graduated high school earlier this year and that meant all of us were going our own paths. There were friends going hours away to ones going states away to attend college. I supported each and every one of their decisions and I was as excited for them as much as they were.
Amidst all of the nervousness and excitement, the one thing that was slightly painful for me to admit to myself was that I was going to attend community college. I had not gotten into my 'dream' school and in order to get there in the smoothest way possible, I chose to stay local for the heck of finishing my necessary credits and moving on to bigger things. Though that choice was 100% mine, it was not an easy one, considering I could have easily also gone to a school hours away to experience that "college life." But I had to do what I had to do, so I stuck with my decision.
Staying positive about my future and reassuring myself that my choice was the right one was definitely easier said than done. When you see constant social media posts of newly decorated dorms, sorority rushing, and tailgating you can't help but compare your life to theirs and think, "I could have been doing that too." By choosing this route, I decided to miss out on those factors of college in order to experience them at a school I truly want to be at, even if it's delayed. But this way of forced thinking can only last so long when you're able to talk to your friends less and less as they become busier with their own lives. My feeling of being alone has only gotten stronger and stronger, and harder than ever to avoid. But I am finally at a point where I can openly admit that I have never felt so alone before and it sucks, while at the same time things are looking up.
Don't get me wrong, I am satisfied with my decision, except for the occasional breakdowns and the times of feeling extremely, helplessly alone. At those times, I keep myself busy with schoolwork or my job to forget. I try my best to maintain a positive mindset, saying that this decision will make me work harder for my goals and when I achieve them, I'll be able to look back with pride. I'm able to have time now to work a job and go exploring my local area. I've also made some new friends (surprise!) as well as reconvened with old ones. The one thing that keeps me going is maintaining a positive attitude and mentality, thinking that by next fall, I will be able to be at my dream school experiencing college like anybody else.
Until that day, I'll keep moving forward.
(If you're someone in the same shoes as me, a big shoutout to you. You're certainly not alone.)